At the risk of sounding like the Greek father from the movie, "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," I am going to start out by posting the origin of the word, "bully." People in the dog world often call their particular bull breed by the shortened word, "bullies." French Bulldogs, Pit bulls, Bullmastiffs, etc. all become, "bullies." Here is the etymology of the word:
bully
verb
: to frighten, hurt, or threaten (a smaller or weaker person) : to act like a bully toward (someone)
: to cause (someone) to do something by making threats or insults or by using force
bul·liedbul·ly·ing
I have always had a fondness for bully breeds. The moment I saw my first French Bulldog, I fell in love and had to live with one. One turned into three, and we had many happy years with "the girls." But, they earned the name "bullies" almost from birth. When we bred Maddy, she had two girls. We kept both of them. It would have been Sophie's Choice to give one up. I know how female dogs earned the title, "bitch." Before their eyes were open, they started bitching at each other. If one got too close to the other while nursing, the offended one would let out a snarl reminiscent of a Tasmanian Devil. The first time we witnessed it, we were stupefied. As the years went on, we broke up many, many fights between the two sisters. Often, blood was spilled; canine and human. But we wouldn't trade the years we had with the bullies for anything.
In my opinion, there is something so attractive about a bully head. It is usually round with a shortened nose. Their eyes become the focal point of their face. Their jaws, however, are the real reason they got the term, "bullies." They were used in bull baiting. Their jaws are designed to hold on and never let go of their prey. The jaws literally lock in place. Anyone with a bully breed is cautioned to not play tug-o-war with them. You never want to be on the losing end of that game.
I had wanted a Bullmastiff for about fifteen years. The Bullmastiff is a cross between a Mastiff and a Bulldog. They belong to the Molosser breeds. The Mastiff was used to help manor owners catch poachers in 19th century England. However, the Mastiff didn't have the speed or the tenacity to be good hunters. When they were bred with Bulldogs - think American Bulldog, not the GA mascot - the Bullmastiff was created. The original color was brindle, so they were camouflaged at night. They would sneak up on a poacher then hold them down until the manor guard arrived. Bullmastiffs still carry one trait over the other. For example, our Jack favors the Mastiff in him. He is very large and tall - at 179 lbs. and 27 inches. His face looks more like a Mastiff. Rooney, on the other hand is more the standard for a Bullmastiff. She weighs about 125 lbs. and is shorter than Jack. She has a true Bully face - black mask, short nose and big eyes. Rooney looks scarier than Jack, and she wouldn't hurt a bug. Bullmastiffs are loyal and loving and just plain wonderful. When Jack thinks I am in danger, whether it's from an unknown person or lightning, he stands between me and the "danger." One day, a FedEx guy, that Jack had never seen before, came to the front door. I had to sign for the delivery but Jack wouldn't let me near the door. I had to go out through the garage door. When I came back in, he was standing there with a very disapproving look on his face. I could read that look. It said, "Stupid human. How am I supposed to do my job when you pull a stunt like that?"
In this house, while it is understood that pecking orders are normal and natural in the animal kingdom, bullying is not acceptable. Bullying is different than "I'm the Alpha, deal with it." Eli bullies the younger cats because he can. Finn is sweet and docile; Chance runs away. Fancy could kill him if he wanted to. I let the spats between Eli and Fancy go because each can hold their own. If one picks on either Finn or Chance, I intervene. Jack could squash everybody, but he knows that I will only tolerate one show of dominance with the cats. If he doesn't make his point then, he's done. Rooney just walks around all day with a toy in her mouth and has no interest in bullying anybody.
While this type of bullying behavior is normal and even expected in the animal world, human bullies are another matter. I HATE IT. It especially grieves me when one of my grands tells me about a bully in school. And I know it will be heightened as they move up to middle and high school due, in large part, to social media. Bullies love to hide behind a screen or a position to inflict the most damage. We see bullies everywhere, from the schoolyard to the highest positions of authority. Bullies often seek out professions where they can act out their dysfunction legitimately. For example, there is a high rate of domestic violence among those in law enforcement and the military. Too often, they are protected by a code of silence among their peers. Executives, used to getting their way with subordinates, often become abusive when they retire and no longer have employees to "boss." Is it any wonder that, in a culture where certain people are considered "less than," a person in authority would automatically think they have the right to control that person by any means necessary.
Signs a Child is Being Bullied
Look for changes in the child. However, be aware that not all children who are bullied exhibit warning signs.Some signs that may point to a bullying problem are:
- Unexplainable injuries
- Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry
- Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness
- Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.
- Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
- Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
- Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
- Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem
- Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide
| SIGNS THAT YOU’RE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP | |
| Your Inner Thoughts and Feelings | Your Partner’s Belittling Behavior |
| Do you: feel afraid of your partner much of the time? | Does your partner: humiliate or yell at you? |
| avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? | criticize you and put you down? |
| feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? | treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see? |
| believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? | ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? |
| wonder if you’re the one who is crazy? | blame you for their own abusive behavior? |
| feel emotionally numb or helpless? | see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person? |
| Your Partner’s Violent Behavior or Threats | Your Partner’s Controlling Behavior |
| Does your partner: have a bad and unpredictable temper? | Does your partner: act excessively jealous and possessive? |
| hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you? | control where you go or what you do? |
| threaten to take your children away or harm them? | keep you from seeing your friends or family? |
| threaten to commit suicide if you leave? | limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? |
| force you to have sex? | limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? |
| destroy your belongings? | constantly check up on you? |
3 Traits of an Abusive Boss
This is not a complete list, but the following are three main indicators that your boss is abusive.
- Demeaning
- Controlling
- Untrusting, and Suspicious
Many times, an abuser also uses drugs or alcohol to numb their own pain or feelings of inferiority. Unless they get help, through a 12-Step program or counseling, even if they stop abusing the substance, they still have addictive tendencies. Many times that translates into abusive behavior. The victim becomes the substitute for the substance.
Bullying in the animal world is part of the kill or be killed state of being. With few exceptions, animals only bully when they must - to lead a pack or for survival. Bullying in the human world is unacceptable. As a culture, it diminishes us. If you are a victim of bullying, whether at the hands of a classmate, spouse or boss, get help.
If all else fails, call me. Jack will be more than happy to help you.
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