Well, I guess everybody heard my conversation with my friend, the Aby breeder, yesterday and they had a lot to say about it. Apparently, they had one of their "meetings" and it was a doozy!
Eli: I've called you all together to discuss something of grave importance.
Eli: Gawd! You're all idiots! I said - grave importance. It means we're all going to die.
Fancy: No, it doesn't! It means it's something serious. Okay, so what's the big deal this time?
Chance: Is Mom going to move the litter boxes again? Or try different dirt? I'm just getting used to the stuff in there now.
Eli: Everything isn't about your stupid potty habits! No, this time it's about our very existence! I heard her talking about - getting another cat!!!! And the worst part - it's another one like-----HIM! (pointing to Dash)
All gasp, except for Dash, who had been busy plucking stones from a vase but was now very interested in the conversation.
Dash: (dropping the stone he has been carrying around, pretending it's a hockey puck.) Did you say another one like ME? Another real cat who knows how to play? When? Where?
Eli: It's not here yet, you ^&*#@! Apparently she had one of her spooky "seeing things that aren't there and haven't happened yet" episodes and the next day got a phone call from the lady where YOU came from. She was all goose bumpy and gaspy and I heard her tell the lady she had a "premomizon" the day before that one of the kittens was a girl after all. She wants another cat - this time a girl - and that means more insanity - and less food - for us!
All (except Fancy): What's a girl? And what's a "premomizon?"
Fancy: I've got this. First of all, I think it's pronounced, premonition. Mom gets those, where she sees things that are going to happen before they actually do. Next, Mom is a girl - and one of the big dogs is a girl - the one who sits next to the Man every night. Girls are different. I think we would be really happy if a girl cat came here, except they did something to us and we don't care anymore. Dash just had it done to him last week, remember? Anyway, it's no big deal.
Finn: Well, I like Mom and I love the big dog - the nice one. I try to cuddle with her but she just likes the Man and that bigger dog!
Chance: I don't care about anything except not getting into trouble. Will I get into trouble if she's here?
Fancy: Not unless you decide to pee on the floor! Please don't do that anymore. Mom has a sore arm and it's hard for her to clean up after you.
Eli: You are all missing the point! Girl, schmirl, it's another cat! And one of those - (pointing again to Dash.) Do we really need another one like him around? I say, No!
At this point, Jack notices the commotion and enters the room.
Jack: What's going on? Is somebody breaking in? Do I need to do something?
Eli: Oh, bother... Mom wants to get another cat. So, unless you can talk sense into her, I'd say no. Wait! Here's an idea - why don't you poop on the floor and turn the room upside down! That always makes her mad. I've heard her say she's never bringing another living thing into the house while she's cleaning up one of your giant poops! Yea! Brilliant idea! I knew I'd come up with a plan!
Jack: But I don't have to poop now. Anyway, I don't want her mad at me! Tell Rooney to do it. Nobody gets mad at her. But, wait - did I hear you say another one like - HIM? (Nodding his head at Dash.) For the love of Dog - I can't take another one like him! Maybe I will work up a poop - and a pee for good measure. I don't chew things anymore, after I saw her pass out when I ate the chairs in the room where they all eat when people are here, but I could try...
Fancy: Once again, I have to talk you all down. Haven't you figured out Mom loves all of us? It doesn't matter how many of "us" there are - she loves everybody.
Eli: Spoken like a true favorite. You make me sick. Fine! Let her bring in all the cats in the world. You'll be sorry when you have to climb over them and can't find a place to sleep and we're fighting over food! But then it will be too late.
At this point, I have figured out why they're all gathered in one place. I hug each one and tell them I love them all. I also explain that maybe if Dash had somebody like him to play with, he wouldn't bug everybody else so much. Dash blinked and put his tiny paw on my arm. Fancy bumped my leg for reassurance. Finn gave himself a tongue bath. Chance jumped into a litter box to show me he knew how to use one. Jack just sat there glaring at me. Rooney was sound asleep - dreaming of when her Dad would come home. Eli just gave me "the look" and walked away.
I sighed, and thought about why I seem to require more cats. Then, I just decided I'm a Crazy Cat Lady, and nobody can "explain" that - it just is. So there you have it.
The End.
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