Every Thursday the lawn maintenance crew shows up. Because I don't want to be a horrible human being, I make sure the yard is clear of Bullmastiff poop before they arrive. Even though they use a riding lawn mower that looks like a Segue, the thought of somebody having to navigate their way through huge poos disturbs me. And ev-er-y time I am doing clean-up duty I have the same thought: Why does poop have to exist?
Now, I know practically everyone has a list ready of questions for the Almighty when their time comes. Things like: Why do bad things happen to good people? Did you invent mosquitoes for some reason we never figured out? Snakes? Really? I'm willing to bet nobody has my burning question on their list. All I can say is, if I had created the universe, all creatures would poop flowers.
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| Admit it - isn't this a much better idea? |
So, the guys did their cursory swing around the yard. In less than five minutes, they did a cut and blow dry of the entire property. Not a weed was plucked, or a leaf raked. As a matter of fact, the segue blew out so much dirt, my pool area is covered in dust.
But I am such a pushover, I never say anything. Last week, when a crew of them showed up to remove an old bush and replant a few new ones, they managed to take out the sprinkler system. Not only did they cut a sensor wire, they also managed to slice and dice the pvc pipes.
The guy who owns the business even had me convinced it was because the roots of the old bushes had most likely damaged the pipes. That there were shovel marks on them went unnoticed. By the time he was finished I was apologizing to him and offering to pay for the repair! That whole ordeal cost us way more than the price of the bushes.
Sometimes it isn't easy trying to be a nice person. One day I'm gonna try being horrible to people and see if that works any better.
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| The new me |
I can tell you it doesn't work with animals. Being mean and awful will never get you anywhere when it comes to gaining their trust. All it does is make them fear you. This morning, Rooney went meandering around the yard - before cleanup - and stepped in a pile of poop (I told you poop is the bane of my existence.) Anyway, she tracked it all over the deck before I caught on.
Now, I get perturbed (Andy calls it 'lit up') when she ignores me. There could be a train coming her way and she would ignore me frantically screaming her name but somehow manage to turn away a split second before the train hit her. That's Rooney. She is the sweetest creature on Earth - she just has her own agenda.
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| This is a photo taken when I was actually calling her name and she was ignoring me. |
I didn't have a leash and couldn't get her out to the hose, so I just did the best I could with paper towels. And it was all squished between her toes and stuck to the nails. It was a mess. I was disgusted.
Jack was pacing back and forth because he knew I was getting "lit up." I knew Rooney was going to jump right up on the couch and I kinda like it when the furniture doesn't smell like actual shit. Poor Rooney didn't mean to step in poo. All she wanted to do was explore the backyard. But it was her foot and there was definitely a mess to clean up.
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| I'm just gonna sleep till Daddy gets home |
The poor baby has been pouting all morning because she thinks she's in trouble. Andy, clearly the better parent, will not be happy when he gets home and she tells him all about her day. She can't talk, the way our human children did, and tell him how mean Mom is. But she will let him know in her own way. I think I'd better make something really great for dinner....
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