Day Three Hundred Sixteen

How to Discipline a Cat

You'll have to bear with me a moment because I am laughing too hard to type......

Oh, and I want to add a disclaimer that is long overdue. *I write (and think) in an inverted, kinda Yoda-ish, Amish-like fashion. I apologize to the grammarians or language purists. No I don't. It's the I write way and you get or don't it.

The answer to the question, "How do you discipline a cat?" is a simple one: YOU CANNOT! Let me repeat that - You cannot discipline a cat. Ever.

Now, there are ways to distract a cat from what it is they're doing you wish they weren't. (*See what I there did?) Like the canned air thing. It works by scaring the whiskers off an unsuspecting feline who is trying to:

A) climb the Christmas tree
B) climb the Christmas tree
C) climb the......yeah - you get where I'm going with this.

The Ssscat can has worked on nothing else in the house but the Xmas tree. By the time the holidays were over, Boo! had figured out how to circumvent the thing. When it showed up in another location, she looked at it, and just said, "Hmmph -  that stupid thing. It's just air. I'm not afraid of it."  The Ssscat has now gone Pfft. It is on its side with a broken top. *She knocked it off the shelf we wanted her to not be on.

The topic of this entry came about as I sat at my computer checking Facebook and e-mails. The cat door is unlocked, so the kitties are free to come and go as they wish. My wish was that they were all happily outside; not pushing each other into the pool.

I attributed the scritching sounds I kept hearing to one of them testing the cat door. They usually push on it with a paw first before whamming their head into it.  Slamming head first into it when it's locked can cause quite a headache. Everybody has seen stars on at least one occasion. The smarter ones once; the less fortunate (Chance) repeatedly. (heavy sigh)

Anyway, at some point the "mom" in me clicked on and I went to investigate. Much to my surprise - ah, who am I kidding, nothing she does surprises me anymore - Boo! was behind the lizard's aquarium harassing not only Copper, but the crickets as well. By the look on Copper's face, she must have thought Boo! was a coyote or dingo (seeing as how they come from Petco's in Australia.)

To accomplish this endeavor, Boo! had to somehow climb up and over the glass surface of the aquarium. There is no other way to approach it. Not to mention navigating through the three hot lights sitting atop the cage. Once back there, she had very limited space in which to pull off her goal which was to free the crickets and terrify poor Cooper.



Only Boo! has the skills and daring to
navigate up and over and through hot
lights without getting hurt.
Crickets have since been relocated.

There are also several wires back there so we can add possible electrocution to the list of dangers she managed to avoid. Her big mistake was in clawing at the glass aquarium and plastic cricket box. Otherwise, I would have naively gone about my business and written on some other lame subject. Truth be told, I was out of ideas. Haha - Boo! to the Rescue!

So, back to the topic of cat discipline. Your best bet is to just forget about it and come up with your own bag of tricks. I'm sure, if you are a cat person, you have become quite creative. Here are some of my personal favorites:

1) Always keep a cat toy handy. If, for example, I want to go into a room unaccompanied by - let's face it - the only one who hears "no" as "I dare you!" is Boo! - so say it's her - I toss a toy far enough away so I have enough time to run into the room and slam the door shut before she can run after the toy and back only to realize she's been played.

It's important to know your toys.
For ex. this one works.....

....while this one could have just gone
from its packaging into the trash.
It's a mystery.

2) Find a treat they simply cannot resist. In this house, that would be Pure Bites freeze dried chicken. And, no, I am not endorsing the product. It's just the only thing that works here for both dogs and cats. (An aside - the package claims to be made in the USA - this written in French!) When I shake that bag, everyone comes running - some drooling as well.

This is the treat Fancy loves and he knows where they're kept. He will even try to open the cabinet door himself. He has yet to figure out how to open the bag however. So, realizing his limitations, he will reach up and pull my arms down to the cabinet door to do the work for him. Oh, and, he uses his "Mommy, puh leeze, I'm starving!" voice which gets me every time.

3) Practice subterfuge and sneakery. (I know that's not a word, but surely you've figured out by now, I love to make up my own words.) Anyway, think like a cat. If I want to - oh, say - cut up food without risking chopping off Boo!'s nosy nose while she's right in there wondering what I'm doing - I take food, knife and cutting board into the laundry room and quickly shut the door. Usually, even though I think I am fast and alone and oh so clever, I look down to see Boo! blinking up me as much to say, "Why are we in here mommy? We fooled the other guys though, didn't we? Can I help?"

4) Learn to count. I have to count to six - sometimes three times in a row - because Boo! manages to go, undetected, just about everywhere. I cannot tell you the number of times I have counted them all only to realize I counted her twice or three times, depending on how quickly she goes from one spot to the other.


Here is the bottom line. You simply cannot discipline a cat. As a matter of fact the term, "cat discipline" is an oxymoron. My best advice is not spend your money on expensive stuff they can break. Plan on counting - a lot. And be creative. And, face it, you are never going to outsmart your cat. They are the champions.

Here she is, practicing at being
Queen of the Universe!