Disclaimer: This is one of those days. I am in a ruminating mood. I've been thinking about Poco and the promise I made to her that I would always take care of her. Other people convinced me she would be better off living somewhere other than Florida, where she struggled to breathe. I believed them and sent her away. I had to put all of her pictures away because I couldn't stand to look at them. They say time heals grief - I don't think it does. Instead, life takes over and we push thoughts into the deep recesses of our minds - but it just takes a trigger to bring those thoughts back to the forefront. I miss her so much it is a physical pain. I wouldn't trade my time with her for anything - I just wish I could have made a forever home for her with me...
Thankfully, I have a lot to distract me this morning. Dash is being particularly amusing. All he wants is someone to play with. He has been confined to the indoors because he caught another lizard. All of the other cats will catch a lizard and bring it to me then I generally extract it from the jaws of death and relocate it. They might be tailless or a bit soggy, but they usually recover. Dash, on the other hand, wants to eat them. I cannot let this happen. Despite my best efforts at doing reconnaissance prior to letting them out, Dash managed to locate a lizard. Well, I grabbed him before he could devour it, but the poor lizard was dead. Not as in possum fake dead - it was a goner.
So, Dash is in and bored. Nobody wants to play with him. He has tried playing catch but they don't get into it. He lobs a toy at them and expects them to do the same. Doesn't happen. Then he tried hide and seek. All that accomplished was scaring everybody, including Jack, and making them jump when he popped out of unexpected places. He tried getting Eli to chase him on the bulkhead. That didn't work, either. Dash provides endless amusement to us as he attempts to amuse himself.
An interesting thing happened with Eli. I've told his story several times, that he was my first cat. I may or may not have mentioned he wasn't my pick from the litter. I didn't know cats pick their person and I was trying to control the whole thing. When I "picked" the kitten I wanted, as I held him, I had a premonition he wasn't going to live. So, when I got the phone call from the breeder telling me "Sam" was dying from a vaccine reaction, I wasn't completely shocked. I was sad. So very, very sad, but not in shock.
I told her I would take his sister then, and planned on naming her Gracie. She died the next day. I was distraught. The breeder, who has since become a dear friend, reminded me there was one kitten left who was unaffected by the vaccine. I never really saw him because he was usually nursing, and I had made up my mind to take his brother. Anyway, she told me every time I visited Sam, this little guy watched me the whole time. She saw this but didn't want to sway my decision. I figured maybe it was meant to be.
Eli came to live with us and has definitely been my cat. With each arrival, however, he has developed a sense of urgency in getting my attention. People with Fibromyalgia can have days when their hair hurts. Also, there are pressure points that feel like an electric shot when pressed. Eli seems to know all of those spots and pushes them like an evil genius torturing a victim. Today, when he crawled into my lap, I asked him to please not hurt me. He took his paw and started gently rubbing my neck. No claws, no digging, no pain. I knew then he finally understood. We sat there for quite awhile enjoying each other's company.
All I know is, I am an impatient person and I have to force myself to be in their reality. If you choose to put yourself in their place, instead of trying to control animals and looking at them as possessions rather than companions, your world will expand. I promise. It takes patience, kindness, patience, love, patience, understanding, patience...
No comments:
Post a Comment