Day Eighty Three

The Adventures of Dashing Aramis

There is not one unexplored place or thing in this house - as far as Dash is concerned. I have lived here twenty six years, and I'm pretty sure he knows more about this place than I. From the inside of the dishwasher to the soda bottle on the counter, and the far reaches of the pantry, everything must be examined closely. And, he's a little thief. I can't tell you how many times I've been looking for a bottle cap, pencil or a shoe, only to find he's absconded with it. Nothing is safe or sacred.

The other night, Andy and I were watching TV and we kept seeing him fly through the family room, over the gate and into "his room." Most of his toys are in that room, and he loves to hang out in there with his stuff. Well, let me qualify that. Just like a kid, he only likes to go in there if it's his idea. If I want him to stay in the front room, let's say when we have company and I don't want him to escape through an open door, he pitches a fit like we've banished him and cries to be released. Often, his brothers will go in there with him. They will lie on the bed or on the floor and watch him do his thing. He's very entertaining.

Anyway, every once in awhile we would see him jump back over the gate, carrying something. We soon realized he was bringing all of his toy balls out of the room and into the rest of the house. A few days ago, I bought a bag of assorted balls for him. Some were plastic with a bell inside, a few were foil crinkle ones, others were fuzzy, etc.  He would run in like a man on a mission, bring them out one at a time, and act like they were trying to escape from him. It was hilarious. He had Finn convinced they were alive. This went on for quite a long time.

I also found out the hard way he likes to hide his treasures in odd places. I went to close the pantry door and heard a loud crunch and felt stuff pelting my legs. Fancy, who was standing next to me, and I jumped and tried to figure out what the hell just happened. Dash had wedged one of his plastic balls between the door and the frame. When I closed it, I smashed the ball, sending pieces of it flying like shrapnel.

Dash's other new obsession is to pull the tablecloth off the dining room table. I keep a cheap plastic table cover on it since the cats like to hang out there. I just pitch them when they get nasty, like if a cat chucks up a hairball or it gets torn to shreds during a spat. So, yesterday I heard what sounded like a newspaper being torn up. We don't get a newspaper. When I went looking for the source of the mystery sound, there was Dash, entwined in the cloth, which was half on the table, the other half on the floor. Finn and Eli were nervously watching him.

Finn: Oh, this is not good. Mom's gonna be mad.
Dash: Why? This is fun! Come on! You'll see! (Spinning around and around in the plastic cloth.)
Eli: Go ahead, keep going! She won't - oh, hey there, Mom - like I was telling him, he should not be doing this. Bad cat!
Dash: What? It was already on the floor. Yea. Oh, the rat's awake! Gotta go...
Me: You are so busted. Eli and Finn - he doesn't need your help. And that's not a rat.
Chance: (Entering the room.) Why is that on the floor? We were never allowed to do that. We aren't allowed to do anything.
Me: (Rolling my eyes and sighing.) Nobody's supposed to do this. Finn, you aren't in trouble. Eli, I'm on to you. Chance, I'm sorry you feel so put upon. Do you want to see if somebody else would put up with you peeing wherever you like?
Chance: no.

Wait! That's supposed to stay on the table!

Oh, we're all gonna get in trouble...

Come on, Finn! This is fun!

Yes, keep going you little trouble maker.

Update on Dash v Jack: Unlike the other cats who only needed to be told once by Jack to steer clear, our Dash may need a refresher course. I've been noticing him testing the boundaries a bit. He will slowly walk up to a sleeping Jack, then sit and stare at him until Jack opens an eye. Startled, Jack sits up and looks at Dash, then me, as if to say, "Okay, this isn't gonna work. What do I have to do to get him to leave me alone? He's freaking me out." At which point Rooney, who has taken a liking to the little guy, usually gets in between them and steers Dash off in a different direction. She is such a good mom.