Day Eighty Two

The Eyes of a Horse

I remember the whole thing clearly - as if it just happened. It was actually four years ago this week. The Frenchie sisters, Missy and Teddy, were still with us. We had Jack and one cat, Eli. My husband and I decided to take a trip to the mountains. We chose Tennessee, near Gatlinburg. I love log cabins so I found one to rent that allowed pets.

We packed up "the girls" and Jack and headed North. Eli stayed at home in the care of our daughter. Our car looked ridiculous; packed with baby gates and pink carriers that fit on a stroller for the girls. They looked like Quonset huts, side by side on wheels. We were quite a sight strolling around town with the girls in their carriers on wheels and big Jack on a leash.

The brochures in the cabin informed us there were bears in the area, and we needed to dispose of trash properly. Well, they were right. One day, after we had been walking everyone, we came within feet of an enormous bear. I guess, since it was the Fall, so no babies, and the bears preferred Twinkies out of the trash to live dogs to eat, the bear just ambled on by. They say you aren't supposed to run away screaming if you approach one. I ran so fast and screamed so loud I'm pretty sure I scared it away. I have rarely done what I was told and it's gotten me this far in life.

That night, Jack was standing at the front door, on high alert. He was growling that deep throaty sound you never want to hear. We know that he knew there was a bear out there. I had left food on the porch for a stray cat I saw. It was gone. I now know that is not the right thing to do. Instead, go ahead and put food and water out but never leave it there overnight. We were on edge until Jack calmed down.  

Our, well, my adventure came when I decided to go horseback riding. I had recently sent my precious horse, Poco, away to live in Idaho so she could breathe. Premarin mares usually have damaged lungs and hers could not function in Florida. I nearly died the day we put her on a trailer to leave me forever. I still get choked up thinking about it. Which was why it probably wasn't the best idea to go near another horse so soon after losing her. But I had to. I love the smell of a horse. I love everything about horses. I never minded cleaning up after her. As a matter of fact, I kept her barn cleaner than my house - a fact pointed out to me frequently.

I paid for the ride and signed my life away, then waited for my horse. When the guide brought one to me and I looked into her eyes which had the same warm look as Poco's, I lost it. I burst into tears. Of all the emotions people express before a trail ride - excitement, fear, happiness - I'm pretty sure the guy wasn't prepared for a blubbering idiot. Andy was sitting in the parking lot with the dogs and he saw the whole thing. He opened the window and told me if it was too hard I could back out. Not a chance. I pulled myself together and climbed into the saddle.

Everyone there was thoroughly confused. I guess Andy waited until we took off on the trail to come over and explain to the folks what was going on with me. The trail ride was lovely, and I just savored every moment of it. I have a few pictures as a reminder of the day - with me wearing sunglasses to hide my red eyes.

Life isn't about hiding from those things that can cause us pain. Love and pain go hand in hand, because there is always the risk of losing that which we love. We lose parents and partners; friends and cherished pets. The testament to the love we felt is the degree of pain we experience when they're gone. The key is to not hide that love away for fear of another loss. Allow yourself to fall again because love really does heal a broken heart.

Such a sweet horse and so like my Poco