So, the years went by. Andy and I went from carefree Hippies, living from paycheck to paycheck, to Yuppies, desiring the American Dream. We both worked two jobs. I stopped painting. I wrote copy for a radio station during the day then went straight to a department store in the evenings. Andy taught during the day and worked in the same department store at night. I was in the lingerie department and he was around the corner in menswear, so we could visit each other on breaks. It was doable.
Then, several things happened that changed our lives:
First of all, Andy's mother passed away from cancer. It was devastating. We had finally come to an understanding that we had one thing in common - Both of us loved the same guy - her son; my husband.
Not long after that, we decided Two needed to live on a farm or at least a place where she could get some exercise. We were just not around much. Now, we were down to just two dogs. Petey, the hamster, had died awhile back.
We built a house in the suburbs of Erie, PA, called White Swan.
And the biggest change came when our next door neighbor recruited Andy to work at his trucking company. That was the change that affected the rest of our lives.
I was still in my twenties; working two jobs and trying to have a baby. Andy went from teaching English to supervising a truck rental company. The stress was off the charts. While I was used to him getting home at three in the afternoon, sometimes he didn't get in until 3 a.m. Our beautiful new home became the scariest place I'd ever lived. It was enormous - and isolated. Even the presence of Heidi couldn't calm my nerves. Then, the worst possible thing happened. We had to give her up.
We lived in a development where there were some children. Heidi had never really been around children so she didn't know how to deal with them. One day, she ran after a little boy riding his bicycle, and bit him on the butt. We couldn't take the risk of her biting another person, so she went to live with my parents. My father had always wanted a German Shepherd so this worked out well for both of them. Little Molly and I just looked at each other and decided it was just us now.
I felt like I had walked onto a roller coaster and I hate roller coasters. Instead of feeling like I was in control of my life, life grabbed ahold of me and I was helpless. In one fell swoop, the ride took a twist and a turn and flew off the rails. I became pregnant. Andy got a job offer in Pittsburgh. The housing market took a dive.
Our story was (is) not unique. Variations of it have played out since the beginning of civilization. The thing is, it was our story. And it made us realize we had little to no control anymore. I guess my point is that, when we're young, we feel invincible. We truly believe we are the masters of our own universe. But life has a way of shaking that up. If you aren't careful, things can get overwhelming. Now, all of that independence I craved seemed foolish. We had no safety net.
Perhaps it's why so many of us became helicopter parents. We knew what it felt like to be on our own and we didn't want that for our children. What we failed to see is that we were survivors - and you must be a survivor to get through life. Ah, me. (heavy sigh...)
P.S. Sorry this took such a dour twist. I tried to put a humorous spin on it, but I wasn't feeling very funny at the time. In retrospect, it still isn't funny. Oh, there were some humorous moments like the time I was all alone in the house and called the police just to talk to somebody. I asked how quickly (he) could get there if I had an emergency and the cop's response was, "Honey, I can be there in five minutes if you really want me." I hung up. Creepy, huh? Or comforting? I'm still scratching my head over that one. Remember, it was the 70's. Nobody was politically correct.
Then, my favorite. After trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant, friends decided we needed a vacation. They took us with them to Schroon Lake. It was there in a cabin in the woods, our son was conceived. Thirty five years later, he still wears his dad's Schroon Lake tee shirt. And, our friends decided it was the mosquito spray that acted as a fertility drug!? We had weird (but well-meaning) friends.
Moral of the story: Forget about "control" - it's an illusion. Instead, try to see the funny in everything. I wish I had learned that much sooner. Oh, and I realized we have few pictures of that time period. When the hell would we have found the time to take pictures.....
 |
| I did find this one - Mum and Andy This picture was taken three days after he was born because he weighed over 10 1/2 lbs and was 2 ft long and it took me that long to wake up! 35 yrs later I still remind him of this... |
No comments:
Post a Comment